If I Sing You a Love Song
by JustADust
Summary: With multiple rejections and a busy boyfriend, singer-songwriter Ana Steele keeps on pursuing her dream as a famous singer. Along the path, she meets the cold Christian Grey and it unexpectedly leads to a friendship. Question is . . . when will she finally sing her love song to him?
1. Chapter 1

**1: SWEETS**

"Have you seen the new film of Ethan Kavanaugh? I can assure you that it is the most romantic love story ever told! Like it's . . . So romantic!", Anastasia's annoying co-worker makes a Blended reference. She shimmies like that blonde girl from an Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore comedy film. Anastasia is not impressed. She just continues to brush the fur of the poodle before her.

Working as a dog groomer, she loathes her life. She is already twenty three years old and this isn't the life she imagined for herself. What makes the situation worst right now is the poodle jumps off the red small pillow and starts running around the parlor.

Some of her co-workers scream and some roll their eyes at what's happening before them. Anastasia is chasing the poodle all around the small space of the parlor. She is having so much trouble. Her perspiration is visible to her watching co-workers but they simply don't care at all. After eight minutes, Anastasia finally gets the poodle and starts brushing its white fur once more.

They start to talk again as if Anastasia is not listening. "Uhm . . . Where were we before some incompetent girl interrupted?"

The other one replies, "Ethan Kavanaugh's new movie."

"Okay, well, it is the most beautiful movie I ever saw in my whole life. It's called 'My Monkey Love' and Ethan Kavanaugh plays this gorilla who turned into a man and he looked really hot. He has this wonderful sideburns and amazing blue eyes and his body is a complete epitome of a Greek God sculpture! His honey blonde hair adds up to his oozing sex appeal!"

The other girl asks, "Wait, so you mean that the story is about this gorilla turned man? But, uhm, that sounds really weird."

"Yes, it sounds weird but when you watch it, it just seems like it's not. He turned into a man because he fell in love with this girl who got lost in the jungle. It was played no other than Cassandra Whitman!"

"Cassandra Whitman? Ethan Kavanaugh's leading lady? Gosh! I love their pairing."

The annoying co-worker confirms, "They recently admitted that they are together in real life. It's really perfect, isn't it? Like two beautiful people are a couple and both of them are talented and they make a lot of money. They just have this amazing chemistry and I love how it's real."

Anastasia rolls her eyes as she hears the entire conversation. She badly wants to cover both of her ears but the poodle needs a lot of hair treatment. As the dog is finished, another dog comes in and this time it's a golden retriever. It really needs a bath and Anastasia hates it when bathing happens. How did she even endure working in a dog salon?

As the young lady tries her best not to let the dog know that she is not enjoying her time at all but her co-workers are the worst people that she can ever imagine.

They try to talk again: "Cassandra Whitman just has the most beautiful hair. She has this perfect pear shaped body and the supermodels would look like ordinary people when they are next to her. I would really like to have her gorgeous face. That blonde hair is just amazing and the lime green eyes? They are clearer than the sea."

"Not to mention that she is really smart."

"Yeah, unlike some co-worker we have. All she needs to do is make sure that the dog gets the most hospitable moment of his or her life. Doesn't she get that at all? She is just too dumb to be here."

"You forgot to say that she is also ugly. Her long black hair just doesn't shine at all and she looks like every other girl. There is nothing special about her. She'd look invisible near the Cassandra Whitman."

As soon as she hears those harsh words, she knows that it is time for her to say something. _How dare they compare her to Cassandra Whitman?_ Anastasia knows that they have already crossed the line. Instead of sprinkling the water to the golden retriever, she does it directly to the two girls in front of her. She is raging and she doesn't care at all. The dogs inside the salon bark and start a chaotic scenario.

The two girls where screaming as they get wetter and wetter every second. The dogs are chasing each other to the ends of the earth but Anastasia doesn't care at all. What she needs to do now is to teach those girls a lesson.

"What the hell is going on here?!" Anastasia tenses as soon as she hears the masculine voice. She stops sprinkling the water to the two mean girls and she dramatically looks left to face her four feet five inches short boss.

Anastasia gulps as the boss signals her to proceed to his office.

Anastasia Steele is officially fired from the dog salon after four months of working there. She is now inside the bus hugging her guitar. She looks at the window as tears prickle from her eyes. She doesn't feel hurt because she got fired. Instead, she's weeping because she knows she deserves a life more than this. She rests her forehead on the bus window and remembers how she tried to get the life that she can't ever have.

Since childhood, she believed that Anastasia Steele can be the best singer-songwriter and her boyfriend helped her find record deals but the big bosses will just tell her that she is not good enough to attract listeners and that her type of music is really boring.

Anastasia hates the fact that they want her to write songs about partying, sex, and drugs because it can be sold easily. She's the type of person who knows that music should have emotions and with what comes emotions, comes art. She believes art should respected and it includes music.

At the age of twenty three, she should have her own tour right now. She should have had at least three albums and she should have been free to be seen with her boyfriend in public. Anastasia Steele feels as though her life is headed in the wrong direction and there's no way of stopping it.

She shakes her head and wipes her tears away. Her throat feels hot so she tries to get a bottle of water from her backpack. She curses under her breath when she finds an empty bottle. She throws it to the can near her and resumes crying. See? Her life isn't just working out right now.

The bus finally stops in front of her apartment. She puts her hoodie on and makes sure that nobody else notices her. She looks around to look if somebody is watching her but the coast is clear. She gets inside and finds her boyfriend waiting for her. Dinner is set and his face shows an angelic smile but it falters as soon as she takes off her hoodie and he sees her crying.

"Sweets? What's wrong?" He opens his arms for her and she accepts them and cries even harder. She doesn't tell him what's wrong. She just lets the tears pour relentlessly. She doesn't really feel like talking.

"Sweets? Can you tell me what's wrong when you are ready, okay?", her patient boyfriend asks an innocent request.

Anastasia nods with her face pressing against his hard chest. He soothes her back and she weeps and he patiently waits until she's ready. She is in the arms of her love-of her secret love. Her boyfriend, Ethan Kavanaugh. Her 'Sweets'.

She's fine. For now.


	2. Chapter 2

**2: THE TALK**

Anastasia doesn't like how she's weeping especially since her boyfriend, Ethan Kavanaugh only gets to stay beside her seldom times. He has always been a busy guy especially these days when he gained countless fans because of his tandem with Cassandra Whitman. There are multiple awaiting projects for him including an endorsement for a clothing line, new television series, and an action movie to be filmed in Australia.

They were supposed to have that romantic dinner. Ethan cooked scallops for her and he even prepared her favorite Italian spaghetti. Her gloomy apartment seems to look like a restaurant for a candlelit dinner rather than a plain old forty square meter space.

Her tears don't stop flowing so Ethan kisses her temples before assisting her to lie down the bed. Ethan lays down right next to her. They both face each other as Ethan gets his handkerchief out of his denim pants and wipes the tears off her face. When Anastasia finally stops crying, she looks straight at Ethan and she sees how it seems like he was the one who wept.

He looks pained. They have been together since freshmen year of high school. In the whole eight years of their relationship, Ethan looks like he's about to cry too when he sees his girlfriend to do so.

"Sweets, what's wrong? Are you ready to tell me now?," he questions tenderly while his thumb soothes her smooth arms.

Anastasia barely whispers, "Sweets, I don't know what to do anymore."

Ethan's eyebrows furrow as he asks, "What do you mean by that? What exactly happened today, Sweets?"

"I got fired. Okay, it's not just about that. How can I be reacting this way when I didn't even like that job? Well, as you know, I am already fed up. Being a dog groomer was my ninth job and I can't help but feel like a failure. My life is just unfair, okay? I don't know what else to do!"

Just like any other time, Ethan says, "Just let it out" while he soothes her back this time.

"My co-workers were being cruel, okay? They talk badly about me even though they know that I am standing right next to them! What's even worst was that they were gushing about you and they even compared me to Cassandra Whitman! They even said how she was much better than me!"

Ethan is taken aback. From his lying position, he lifts his body up to a sitting position. His blue eyes never glared that way before. He immediately feels a lot of pain upon hearing his girlfriend talk that way. Like a light bulb appearing on top of his head, he realizes that the bottom line of all of these is Anastasia's insecurity heightens and he's one of the reasons why.

"Sweets, you already met Cassandra. You already know that nothing is going on between us and you know how she is."

"But that doesn't mean that I am much better than her!"

"Anastasia Steele, for once, can you just tell me about what you feel right now? Ever since two years ago when I started out as an actor, all you ever did was become passive. When you start to tell me about how you're feeling like now, you just give out something vague. Can you just tell me what you're feeling without leaving me completely puzzled?"

"You want an honest answer?"

"YES!"

Anastasia sits down too and the intensity of her blue eyes matches his blue ones. She clenches through her teeth, "I feel completely small right now, okay? I feel completely feel small about every aspect of my life. I hate how everybody achieved their dreams and I am here searching for a stable job. I hate how my mother and father are completely proud of my sister while they can't even invite me to their own anniversary party. I hate how I have been rejected by numerous recording studios. I hate how you may lose your job when people find out that we are together."

Ethan frowns and sighs deeply before he replies, "Anastasia, you know how great you are. You are the most talented person I ever met and-"

"Don't try to patronize me, Ethan. Please just don't."

"I wouldn't call that as patronizing but if you don't want me to say those words, what can I do to make you feel okay? Can you just please tell me? Because I can't stand it knowing that you are not fine." When Amanda looks at him this time, he has already shed a tear.

Ana guiltily whispers, "How can you know how to make me feel okay when I myself don't even know how?"

All her boyfriend does is to wrap her in his warms arms. Ana's ear is pressed right to his hard chest and she feels it beat faster than usual.

Both of them don't say a word during the time they hold each other. It seems as if Ana has figured out the answer to her own question. Maybe all Ethan needs to do is just to hold her in his arms. He's not been around too much lately that she has forgotten how to cure her own wounds.

Slowly, ever so slowly, she finally feels the amount of pain lowering. She takes a deep breath and decides that she can finally look at Ethan in the eye without showing off her tears.

"Ethan, I am so sorry for bursting out like that and-"

"You don't have to be sorry for anything at all. I should be the one to apologize, okay? I am really sorry for not finding a studio which will help you with your music career. I am sincerely sorry for that. If I could do it just as easily, you could have been the most famous singer in the world right now."

"That's not your fault and-"

He doesn't let her reason out. He interrupts, "You know what my greatest goal is? I want to be able to dedicate all my awards to you. I want to be able to announce it to the whole world. I also dream to have you as my date during all the red carpet events. I wish to do all of those but I am so sorry I can't."

"Gertrude's rules, right?," Anastasia rolls her eyes as she utters the name of Ethan Kavanaugh's nosy manager.

"If she will just allow me, I will take you to every event, Sweets. I would hold your hand and tell everyone that you are my girl. I am sorry I can't."

With all sincerity, Anastasia kisses his cheeks and says, "You honestly don't have to apologize for that, okay? It's not your fault that the entire world just ships you and Cassandra together. And it's out of your control when you receive a death threat from your fans."

Ethan winces at that moment a year ago. He really wanted Ana to watch a movie with him but they weren't careful enough. Some paparazzis took shots of them but thankfully, Ana's face was covered. Since that incident, Ethan has received multiple death threats and some of his projects were about to be pulled out. With Ana's support, Ethan has done what Gertrude asked him to do.

Later on, he explained in an exclusive interview, "It was nothing, okay? Stop interfering with my life. Cassandra and I are going stronger now so please just leave us alone, okay?"

Since then, Gertrude has turned cold to Anastasia.

At the moment, Ana shakes those thoughts away from Ethan's head as she presses her lips to his for a short while before she finally smiles and says, "I wouldn't want you to lose your career so stop apologizing, okay? Also, it's not your responsibility to find a record deal for me. If I am going to make it, I am going to make it."

Ethan rests his to hers before he says, "You are going to make it."

Ana envelopes her arms around him for a tight embrace. After a few minutes, Adam assures her, "You don't need to worry about Cassandra, okay? You know how we are. She has a boyfriend too and you are the only one who knows this but I hate her. She's a pain in the ass. No matter what people say, you're my only girl. I know I sound cheesy right now but you are my only Sweets."

Ana blushes at what he says and she punches him, "Stop being so cheesy, okay? You've been saying that since eight years ago."

Ethan gives her a kiss on the lips before he says, "I love you"

"I love you too, Ethan."

Ethan raises his brow so Anastasia corrects herself, "I love you too, Sweets."

After a passionate kiss, Ethan lifts Ana up from her bed and leads her to dining table. The heat of the food is gone now but they don't care. Ethan and Anastasia have returned into what they were before. All they do is just laugh and laugh and annoy each other and they won't get tired of doing so.

It has been eight years since they got together and there have been times when both of them wanted to give up but they realized that they were incomplete without each other. They were like earphones. If the right earphone loses its sound, the other will still function but no matter how loud the noise is, it makes no sense without the other.

Anastasia didn't plan on being with the ambitious Ethan Kavanaugh but when she fell in love with him the moment of the homecoming dance. Anastasia was too nervous to sing her self composed song in front of everyone that she literally stared at her schoolmates for a whole minute after singing the song's chorus.

That's when Ethan entered her life. He starts singing the tune of her song using 'Na Na Na' and everyone seems to follow his lead. Anastasia then finds the power to sing again and the whole time she was staring at Ethan Kavanaugh.

After she got off stage, she approached Ethan to thank him and Ethan said he would only accept her gratitude if she danced with him. Actually, Ethan accepted her gratitude too much that they danced the entire night.

Right now, both of them lay down the bed together face to face. None are saying anything to each other for different kinds of emotions were stirring right inside of them: Happiness for they have finally resolved a pretty serious situation and sadness for when Anastasia opens her eyes in the morning, Ethan won't be beside her anymore.

Ethan strokes her cheek with his warm hand.

"Do you really have to go to London tomorrow?" Anastasia desperately wants him to stay and never leave her again.

"I wish I don't." Ethan sincerely tells her. He and Cassandra are going to London for a photoshoot for the clothing line they endorse.

Anastasia yawns and after several more strokes in her cheek, she finally falls asleep knowing that she won't see him again for another week.

The next day as she expected, Ethan isn't there anymore. She wakes up right next to an empty side of the bed. When she stands up, she looks at the table and smiles. Ethan has cooked breakfast for her. She smiles to herself before she begins to eat the bacon and egg her boyfriend cooked.

After eating, she washes the dishes and realizes that she no longer has a job. Without hesitation, she grabs her old guitar and begins to write another song for the man she loves. She writes the lyrics:

Soothe my back as I feel the pain.

For I need the sun now that it's rained.

Can you do it back and forth? Again and again?

Promise me you won't get tired then.

Lie down with me in this smooth sheet.

Ignore the noises outside the busy street.

In the dark, my thumb and your thumbs meet.

In the midst of bitterness, I taste something sweet.

Don't say anything, don't say a word.

Let me cry and be mute from the world.

To see me this weak; you are of worth.

Just stay quiet while I weep and it will work.


	3. Chapter 3

**3: More Tears**

It's been three days since the emotional night Ethan and Anastasia had but Ana doesn't feel his absence as he sends almost fifty text messages everyday. Some are just emoticons and some are just five words Ethan wants her to know. Regardless of what he says, the mere thought that he sends her those messages just shows that he thinks of her even though he is away.

His text messages are her only way to have the guts to present her song to the recording studio. She is patiently waiting for the result of her demo right now and the waiting area is nowhere near comfortable as she sits down the floor because five people already took the chairs. Those men sitting weren't even mannered to ask her to sit down instead of them.

What Anastasia prays right now is for her song to be approved. The recording studio is not a popular one but it sure is one big start to achieve her dreams. She lazily strums her guitar as she gets bored of waiting. She looks at her competitors and knows that she has the highest chance to get the spot. She just played the song 'Silent Comfort' in front of the producers and she is sure that they were impressed by the songs. The other performers made her cringe when she heard their songs. They were songs they written when they were high and horny. She knows music is more than that.

After fifty minutes of waiting, the music producer finally comes out of the office and they all stand up and wait for his announcement in full anticipation.

The music producer speaks, "Thank you so much for imparting your talent with us this afternoon and we sincerely liked all of you but we can only afford to produce one song and eventually an album for this musician."

Ana crosses her fingers in high hopes.

It is then announced, "We have chosen you Craig Joseph. You were stellar! Goodness! I am looking at the face of the future of the music industry right now. Good job everybody but Craig is the one we are looking for. Thank you all for coming." Craig then jumps up and down and gives the music producer a gigantic handshake.

The musicians were crying as they leave the studio but Anastasia stands like a statue. This might be the hundredth time she's been rejected by a recording studio. She silently question why that guy was chosen. He only had two lines in his song and most of the time he was playing the drums. She barely felt anything from his song a few minutes ago.

"Is there any problem, Miss ugh . . .?" The music producer notices her still standing in front of them. Anastasia feels a little sting as the boss doesn't even remember her name at all. Is she that unmemorable? She just shakes her head and gives a little smile to the winner, Craig Joseph.

"Thank you," she barely whispers before heading out of the studio with her guitar. She walks like a zombie to the bus stop and she just can't stop wondering of when this suffering of hers will end. She feels tears about to come out from her eyes but she forces herself not to let them out.

Anastasia whispers to herself, "After all the things you have been through, you are going to cry right now? Be strong, Ana."

The bus finally arrives and she takes a seat by the window. She checks the time using her wristwatch and she concludes that she is not going to be late for the family dinner in Pash Pasta House. She even considers it a miracle that they remembered to invite her. She knows something big is going to happen tonight and she is not thrilled to know what it is all about. For sure, it's another one of Grace's achievements. She really hates her sister so much.

Anastasia also knows that her mother is going to critique her clothes right now. She just rolls her eyes at that inevitable happening. Her mother hates her for wearing ripped jeans with converse and white t-shirt but she is not sorry at all. She is not sorry that she is not like her sister, Grace who loves every dress, high heels and colorful things.

Her phone rings and she reads a text from her boyfriend.

 _HOW DID IT GO?_

 _THEY DIDN'T CHOOSE ME._

 _:( I WISH I WAS THERE WITH YOU RIGHT NOW._

 _SAVE THE SAD FACE LATER, A._

 _WHY? WHAT'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN._

 _FAMILY DINNER. :/_

 _NOOOOOOOOOOOO._

 _:/_

 _SWEETS . . . . :/_

The bus stops in front of a waiting shed and she walks a few meters to the restaurant. She enters and sees her family in the table near the center of the place. What made her eyebrow raise is that they are not the only one. Her sister is holding hands with a guy and her parents were talking to two strangers. She approaches the table and gets everyone's attention.

Her father introduces, "Oh there's my youngest daughter, Anastasia."

She waves hello to them before she sits down right next to a young man. Her father continues, "Anastasia, this is Carrick, Grace's boyfriend for two months and this is his father, Steve and his older brother, Christian." Amanda gives each of them a little smile. She gets back the same amount of enthusiasm from them except from Christian who is just staring at her with no emotions at all.

He looks really handsome. His copper hair is as tousled as ever and his gray eyes are so gray that they can be transparent anytime. She can tell that he is as tall as ethan and his chiseled body makes him even more attractive. Anastasia shakes her head as she reminds herself that she has a boyfriend.

Carla, Ana's mother clears her throat and asks, "Why don't we all eat?"

As they eat lasagna and fettuccini, the two fathers just keep on talking about the joys of golf and the way they love Tiger Woods. Sooner than later, they join the conversation except for Ana and Christian. It is pretty obvious that they want to get out of this place right here right now.

Carla clears her throat and focuses on her youngest daughter, "Ana, didn't I tell you to wear a dress or something?"

Grace adds, "Sis, not to be mean or anything but you look so bad right now. We seriously need a day together. What's up with those freckles in your face? Gosh, you totally need a makeover."

Anastasia hides her hands below the table to hide her raising middle finger.

Carrick thankfully shifts the mood of the night as he calls for everyone's attention through clinking the fork to the glass. He gets up from his chair and kneels down in front of Grace.

Anastasia hears the cheesiest proposal ever as Stefan says, "You are the Jasmine to my Aladdin. You are the Cinderella to my Charming-the Ariel to my Eric. You are the Anna to my Kristoff and you are the Rapunzel to my Eugene. Stacy, will be my Disney princess forever? Will you be my wife?"

Grace screams like a fangirl on top of her lungs before screaming 'yes'.

People in the restaurant give them a round of applause and Carla tears up as she sees her daughter finally happy with the man she loves. Ana then doesn't say anything at all. She's not bitter or anything but she questions why they want to get married that fast when they have only known each other for two months.

The claps fade and they go back to eating dinner. Carla keeps on crying and her husband, Ray just soothes her back. Steven then talks to Carrick and Grace about the life altering moment that they are about to encounter. They keep on talking about the wedding and how to spend the last days of being single. All throughout the night, Christian and Anastasia don't say a word. She is slightly bothered because he keeps on staring at her intensely.

He reminds her of Edward Cullen and it's freaking her out.

A few minutes later, the topic goes back to Ana again as Carla asks, "Anastasia, Grace here has already found someone to spend the rest of her life with. How about you?"

"Mom, you know-"

"I don't want another one of those excuses. If a guy really loves you, he will tell it to the whole word no matter what the circumstances are. Ana, I am really worried of you right now. You are wasting your time and-"

"Mom, just stop, okay?" Awkward silence follows after that.

Steven clears his throat and asks, "Anastasia, dear, I see you brought your guitar with you. You are a musician?"

She gives him a soft smile as she answers, "Yes, Sir, I am a musician-aspiring musician. Ever since I was young, all I ever wanted to do is sing my heart out on stage and everyone's singing with me as if they can relate to it. This may sound a bit cliche but that's the greatest dream I have right now and-"

Ray interrupts as he laughs sarcastically. "Do you really think that you can make it, Anastasia? You should've went to college. Look at where you are now!"

Christian suddenly dislikes the evolving tension.

Anastasia almost defends herself but her upto-no good mother supports her father, "See? You should've went to college and by now, you would have had a real job. My goodness! Do you think we are proud of you?"

"Mom, stop!" Anastasia unintentionally raises her voice. That's her mistake.

Carla's vision turns red, "Stop? Are you telling me to stop right now?"

"Mom, I am sorry for raising my voice, I just-"

"Anastasia, don't you ever raise your voice at me again!" Suddenly, Ana feels all eyes around her right now. Her mother doesn't care as she continues, "You don't have the right to raise your voice at me, young lady! You didn't do any good for this family since you finished high school! I honestly don't know why you even pursue something so impossible! Did you seriously think that you can do it? Reality check, sweetie: You can't ever do it!"

These words don't usually hit her right on the gut but hearing it from her mother makes the tears flow automatically.

"Stop doing this, Anastasia. For once, live realistically. You are going to die with that blind expectation. You cannot do it, Amanda. You cannot do it, okay? Get a real job and be like your sister. Right now, you are not even as half as how great she is. Aren't you even ashamed of yourself?!"

Ana looks around and meets countless pairs of sympathetic eyes.

"I guess you went to another recording studio right now and you got rejected again. Isn't that enough of a reality check for you? Grow up, sweetie. Live in reality please." Carla takes a seat after that and feels little guilt as she notices that she just attracted the attention of all tables.

She looks at her daughter who has now walked out of the room. People stare at the young girl who was deeply embarrassed.

Anastasia runs out of the restaurant knowing that her mother just destroyed everything she ever dreamed of. She walks to the bus stop with the sob that she's been trying to hold for hours now since she got rejected by that studio. Her face has never been this red before. Her mother just made her feel like the worst daughter and singer in the entire world.

The bus arrives and it's full so she just stands up throughout the ride. She keeps on thinking how little people must think of her right now. She thinks of how her boyfriend is enjoying his time in London right now while she's right here waiting for the chance that life will give to her.

She keeps on wondering why life is too cruel no matter how good you are. She seems to be working her hardest but no one appreciates it. She always gets underestimated and she finds it too difficult right now. This isn't the life she imagined and she is about to give up. She is about to surrender.

While she cries, she takes out her phone to send a text message to Ethan knowing that he is the only one who can make things feel a little painful:

 _Sweets. . . :( :( :( :(_

She waits for his reply but even though the bus reaches its stop, she doesn't get a reply from Ethan Kavanaugh. She closes her eyes and feels the pain. She gets out of the bus with her cries a little bit louder now.

When Ana reaches her apartment building, she doesn't have the strength to get inside. She sits down the front porch and sobs her heart out. It's late and no one's there so she is free to just feel the pain. She remembers every word her mother screamed at her and the way people look at her as if she's the most unfortunate person in the world.

She keeps checking her phone but like a fool, she just stares at a blank screen. It has been a few minutes since she texted Ethan but still to this time, he doesn't reply. He knows that sad face means something big and sorrowful just happened and he usually replies right away.

But he doesn't.

Her cries are interrupted when a velvet voice says, "Take this, Anastasia." She doesn't even care who it is. She doesn't dare to see his face as she takes the white handkerchief and use it to wipe her face. After a moment of crying, she finally calms down and looks up and see someone unexpected. It's Christian.

He explains, "Well, I followed you. I took a ride inside the same bus but I cannot approach you because it's too crowded. I called your name many times but you couldn't hear me."

"You f-followed me?" She almost turns mad but when she looks at what he's holding, her anger turns into gratitude.

"You left your guitar in the restaurant and I figured I should return it to you." He gives her the guitar and she finds herself embracing it.

"Thank you," she whispers and he gives a slight nod before he waves goodbye and heads back to the bus stop. She watches him walk away farther and farther and she is grateful for what he did not only to the guitar but also to the fact that he didn't look at her the way those people did in the restaurant. She watches him walk and walk and walk until he is out of her sight.

There is something about him. There is something about Christian.


	4. Chapter 4

**4**

There are eighty nine text messages and seventy six missed calls for Anastasia as soon as she wakes up the next day and all of them are from Ethan. Her swollen eyes manage to read what her boyfriend has to say.

 _Anastasia, PLEASE ANSWER YOUR PHONE. I AM LOSING MY MIND HERE._

Anastasia stands up and stretches her body lazily before she dials his phone number and instead of getting a hello she gets, "Have you had any idea of how mad I was? Anastasia, you never ever use a sad face unless you are really bothered a lot. What happened to the family dinner, Anastasia?"

"Well, good morning to you too." Anastasia's reply just makes Ethan grunt. She is preparing a box of cereals for her breakfast and she just moves like a ghost. She doesn't even recognize her own reflection as she stares at the mirror before her. Her eyes are really swollen and she suddenly feels conscious to go out.

"Anastasia, please if this is about my not answering your call, I am so sorry. I was really busy. I had an interview with this magazine and it was on the spot. As soon as I read your text message, I knew something was wrong and-"

"Fine! Stacy is engaged, okay? My sister who happens to be a great dentist just found her fiance named Stefan and it just made Mom love her more and love me less. She even screamed out loud that I cannot be like Stacy and I must give up on my music career right now."

"A . . ." Just like days like this, Ethan turns speechless.

Anastasia continues, "She gives me this speech about how I am wasting my life and how I should get a real job. You don't agree with her, do you?"

"O-of course, I don't." Anastasia stands still as she hears his answer. After eight years of being with him, she knows when he is lying or not. She cannot even believe her ears as soon as her boyfriend gives her his answers.

She deeply sighs, "Ethan, I know when you are lying. Don't try to make things sound good, okay? If you want to tell me something, just tell me something. Just ruin my day, okay? Just do it thoroughly."

"Anastasia, I hate it when this happens."

"When what happens, Ethan? Tell me now or else I will have assumptions that you don't want me to have."

"You asked for this so don't be mad, okay? Since that night you opened up with me, I left to London thinking that maybe you do need a change in your career. I said to myself that if you fail again with another recording studio, I will encourage you to maybe do something else. Anastasia, please understand that I am not putting you down here. I am really sorry. I know this isn't the perfect timing to say this but I'd rather tell you the truth than to let you think of something else. I am sorry, okay? I've been thinking about that for days now."

Anastasia barely whispers, "So you don't believe in me anymore?"

"Goodness! Of course, I do, Anastasia. I do believe in you but you've been so down lately and maybe this is the way that I can only lift you up. I don't know what else to do! I am having trouble trying to fix you! It's just so difficult, you know? Anastasia, please try to understand."

She stays quiet for a whole two minutes before she nods and tells him robotically, "I understand."

"You do know how much I love you, right? I was so worried last night that I had trouble with the commercial for the clothing line. My mind was just revolving around you and I've been calling and . . . I am sorry, Anastasia. You know, sometimes we just have to accept that maybe some things are not meant for us. Maybe you should try another job."

"Uhm . . . Yeah, I see. I need to go now. Gonna eat breakfast."

"I am sorry, okay? I love you and please eat a lot."

"Okay."

Ethan is not contented of her answer so he repeats, "A, I love you."

"Okay."

"A . . ." The sadness is crystal clear.

Anastasia hangs up the phone after that conversation she just had with her boyfriend. She just looks at her untouched cereal and no tears come out. She already shed everything last night and she doesn't want to do it again today. What she's doing now is just laugh at herself sarcastically.

She talks to the wind as if it were Ethan. "Ethan, I knew it. After my failures, you would lose faith in me. I knew it. I just thought you are going to be with me until the end, you know. It ends up that you seem to be like my mother too. You seem to be like all of them."

That's what Anastasia does for almost five hours. She just sits down the chair facing the wall with a million words running across her mind. She doesn't eat her cereal for she is just lost in the visions in her head. She is beginning to doubt everybody including Ethan. She asks herself: Should I listen to Mom, Ethan and everybody else? Or should I listen to myself?

Anastasia knows exactly what the answer is.

She stands up and cleans up her table. She takes a bath and chooses her best shirt and jeans and usual Converse high cut shoes. She ties her black hair up for a messy ponytail and she puts little makeup to her face. Her eyes are still swollen so she grabs her sunglasses and wears it as if it were just an accessory.

She goes out of the house knowing that she has chosen to listen to herself. She is still going to pursue her passion no matter what. She walks along the street as if she is breathing a fresher air-as if she's alone and no one else cared.

Anastasia plans to get her tenth job so she can still sustain herself until the right time comes for her grand debut as an amazing singer-songwriter. Just because she has a rich boyfriend doesn't mean he must provide for her needs. As a woman, she chooses to stand up for herself and live with just her efforts. That's another thing she always fights about with Ethan.

He wants her to stay at home and he'll provide for her every needs and wants but she knows she's far better than that. Even though he is already the Ethan Kavanaugh and she is still just Anastasia Steele, she still knows she can provide for herself alone. It's not that she doesn't want him to express his love for her, she just wants him to know that provision doesn't always mean love at all. It only serves as an obligation and love and obligation don't always go hand in hand.

Anastasia knows how strong she is.

No matter how many times she'll have a job, she will take it knowing that she can get _there_. She just tells herself, "This is just temporary, Anastasia Steele. You as a superstar will be permanent. Adversities come and go. You can do it, self."

She almost skips her way inside Building Houses Real Estate Office as soon as she sees the poster in front which informs that they want to hire a photocopy girl. She doesn't really know what she's going to do but she is very positive about it. She needs this and she will accept no matter what decent job it is. With her resume inside her bag and her fresh personality, she is hoping to get this job.

She enters the office and the people there look really hospitable. They wear their white collared shirts and they can almost camouflage with the monochromatic walls of the place. She finds the place intimidating but if you want to achieve your dream, there is no word called 'intimidating'.

After taking three breaths, she inquires in the front desk, "Hello! My name is Anastasia Steele and I saw your ad outside and I am here to apply for it-I am here to apply as the photocopy girl."

The girl with a Joker smile and robotic scripted voice replies, "Hello! Thank you for taking interest in our company. We don't just build houses but we build homes and dreams. All you have to do is go straight to the third floor and go to the human resources department. Thank you! Have a nice day!"

Anastasia gives her an awkward smile before implying her rules. She doesn't feel nervous at all because she cannot find the reason why. She assumes that this will just be an easy job. She will probably enjoy this more than the dog grooming thing she went through.

She lands on the third floor and people wearing business suits emerge from different doors. They have different clients with them who have complaints and compliments. Anastasia doesn't know a thing or two about selling houses but she assumes that her job will don't have a thing to do about that. She is not the businesswoman type at all.

As soon as she finds the human resources department, she is welcomed by a stressed looking old woman. She sits down across her with the fakest smile she can force. The old lady just looks at her with bored eyes.

"Good afternoon! I am Anastasia Steele! I am twenty three years old and I am here to apply as the photocopy girl. I have no experience about this job before but I am sure that I can do this!"

The old lady replies in a monotonous manner, "I am Tina and you are hired."

Anastasia's blue eyes widen. "What?"

"Come on, follow me. You are going to start working now. Your pay will be ten dollars per day. Will that be enough?"

Anastasia quickly stands up and nods her head endlessly. She follows after Tina as they take the elevator again. She cannot help but be gobsmacked about the fact that she has a new job now and she doesn't even feel like she made such effort to have it. She listens to Tina as she tells her that all she has to do is to use the xerox machine for the brokers.

"You don't have a plan on selling houses?"

"No, thanks." Anastasia smiles at Tina.

As they are finally on the sixth floor, they enter a room full of cubicles and stressed people. Anastasia's blue eyes that are covered by her sunglasses widen as she realizes that selling houses can be this tiresome. And for the first time this day, when she is introduced to this new world, she has forgotten about the fight she had with her mother and boyfriend.

Tina calls for everyone's attention as she introduces, "Good afternoon workers! I'd like to introduce you to Anastasia Steele, the new photocopy girl. This is her first day today so be kind to her. Anastasia, these are the real estate agents and they are divided into four groups and the group heads happen to be the licensed brokers."

Anastasia nods and Tina wishes her good luck before she exits the room. Unexpectedly, not even after a milisecond, she is being bombarded by a series of commands. She looks around and there are more or less twenty people surrounding her demanding for a photocopy.

"Photocopy girl, print ten copies of this . . ."

"Photocopy girl, I need one copy of this A.S.A.P."

"Photocopy girl, please do this now."

For the sake of her unending dream, Anastasia says, "On it!"

She is thankful that she is not the type of girl who wears high heels. The xerox machine is in the next room and she feels like she's in an episode of The Amazing Race. Carrying a stack of papers, she stumbles on her way back to the office of the agents. She gives it to them one by one and she doesn't even got a thank you from some.

"Photocopy girl, I need six copies of this price list."

She runs again and again and again. An hour passes and Anastasia feels like she already lost weight. She didn't expect that it will be this hard but she doesn't have a choice. On the bright side, the job makes her more preoccupied. She doesn't want to think about the things that make her unhappy and this is a great way for her to accomplish that.

Anastasia runs around a lot but she doesn't complain. All she wants right now is to sustain herself as she waits for the famous singer version of her in the near future. She's more than willing to do anything for that.

But just like the dog spa, there's always that mean girl.

After about ten times of coming in and out of the copy room, Anastasia finally takes a seat inside the agent's office. She breathes as if she just finished a twenty one kilometer marathon. What she does right now is more than just an exercise. She sees her reflection on the glass door and takes off her black glasses for a second. She puts it back on as her eyes are still swollen.

Her attention is caught when a girl with platinum blonde hair and Victoria's Secret Angel body giggles. She just sits a few inches away from her.

Anastasia glares at that girl.

The girl doesn't seem to be well mannered as she asks Anastasia, "Where is the sun? Are you inside a beach right now?"

"Excuse me?", Anastasia rises up from the chair.

"You look so weird for a photocopy girl. Honestly, you make it hard for me to stop laughing." The mean girl dramatically gasps before adding, "Oh my goodness! Do you have sore eyes? Everybody, there's virus right here!"

Everyone doesn't say anything but it sure as hell that they are looking at Anastasia who is now cursing under her breath. This just reminds her of the embarrassment she had last night at the restaurant.

The mean girl is the real drama queen as she screams, "Sore eyes, my goodness! Sore eyes! Just look at this funny looking girl! She's making us sick here and-"

"Miss Silverstone, what the hell is this about?", a familiar icy husky voice is heard and Anastasia stiffens. It is no other than Christian, her sister's future brother-in-law. What is he doing here? Anastasia eyes him from head to toe and she can't help but admit how handsome he is especially with his gray tux and silver tie.

The mean girl faces him fearfully and says, "Sorry Sir."

Christian folds his arms as he reprimands in a calm yet venomous tone, "As your group head, I am very ashamed of your behavior. While everybody else is working, you are picking on the new photocopy girl."

"I am really sorry, Sir."

"Tell me what is this all about." He can't just seem to let it go.

Miss Silverstone, the mean girl doesn't say a single word. In fact, she is shivering right now. Anastasia is shivering too. Christian just looks so scary.

Christian raises his cold voice just enough for everyone to hear, "Somebody speak up please for the sake of my sanity."

Somebody does. "Well, Sir O'Donoghue, Hannah keeps on bullying the photocopy girl, Anastasia. She keeps on telling her indirectly that she is ugly and the sunglasses is not something you should wear in an office."

The ice king shows a bit of emotions in his face as he remembers that she must have swollen eyes right now because of all the crying last night. Anastasia notices his soft expression before he speedily comes back to his normal ice king-ness.

Christian clears his throat and speaks, "Miss Hannah Silverstone, your skirt is too short. They do not qualify as an office attire. Stop being a hypocrite and stop being an attention seeker. Be a real estate agent and join everyone as they do a great job in selling houses."

Hannah looks as if she wants to cry as everybody guffaws at her. Anastasia can't help herself from doing it as well. When she tries to look at Christian, he is out of sight already.

After a few minutes, Hannah does cry and Anastasia comes back to being the photocopy girl. The clock strikes eight in the evening and everyone is leaving. Anastasia fixes her face first before deciding to go home. She checks her phone and there are fifteen missed calls from her mother and sixty six from Ethan. She turns it off.

Suddenly, she remembers that she still hasn't thanked Christian not just for today but also for returning her guitar last night. She slowly approaches his cubicle and sees him torture himself with loads of paperwork.

"Uhm . . . Sir Christian? T-thank you for what you did and-"

"Go home now." His harsh tone makes her flinch.

"What?"

"Just go home now, Miss Steele." His eyes don't leave the monitor.

"But-"

"Go!"

Anastasia flinches at that. She didn't expect that harshness from him especially after what he did for her. She decides to just let it go and walk out. What she doesn't know is that Christian stares at her with self hatred as she exits the office.


	5. Chapter 5

**5**

It's been almost a week and Anastasia is not even a bit excited about Ethan coming home. He's the last person she thought who will encourage her to give up on her dream. She doesn't even understand why it all happened. The other night he held her just made her feel that there is that someone who won't stop believing in her. But just like everything else, what she's feeling is wrong.

It has also been three days of being a photocopy girl and Anastasia has enough money for her day to day budget. She enjoys this job more than being a dog groomer. Plus, nobody dares to mistreat her again as Christian will appear out of nowhere and save her. Whenever she tries to talk to him, he doesn't give her a chance. He seems too focused on his work.

Anastasia wonders, "Does he even have a life aside from real estate?"

"Why has he always been like that?"

"Does he even smile at all?"

She just shakes her head at that. She doesn't know why she's so intrigued by the blue eyed beauty when all he does is act as if no one is around him. He is a huge loner and she often wonders why he even gets buyers with that kind of attitude.

Her phone rings for the millionth time and she rolls her eyes. Anastasia is sitting on her bed, trying to write another song but nothing pops out of her mind. She already created the music but there are no words coming out. The music sounds so sad that she is hesitating to write the lyrics. She has never written anything sad in the past eight years mainly because Ethan has always made her happy.

This is the hundredth time he has let her down but this is the first time that she feels below the ground. Ever since he became the Ethan Kavanaugh he is now, things just got more difficult. No matter how they try to make things normal again, it just don't. Anastasia realizes that she just has to face the huge change.

Her phone shows Ethan's name and she takes a deep breath before answering.

"What?" She sounds so annoyed.

Meanwhile, in London, Ethan sounds completely distressed, "Anastasia, just please talk to me, okay? I cannot handle this silence any longer."

Anastasia tries to harden her heart but she can't especially now that she can visualize Ethan with deep eyebags and lonely gray eyes. "Okay, let's talk."

He takes this opportunity, "You know that I love you and I want to support you in every decision that you do. So if you want to be a musician then be a musician. Regardless of what I feel, I will pretend that I am okay as long as you claim that you are okay."

She appreciates what he promises to do but there is just that big part of her wishing that there won't be pretensions. He has lost faith in her but that doesn't mean that she will lose faith in herself. Anastasia just decides to go with the flow. For the sake of their relationship, she chooses to agree with him.

"That just means a lot to me, Ethan." It's not a lie at all.

"Thanks, Anastasia and . . . Ugh! I hate this! Shit! Fuck! Fucking shit! I just want to fly over there and kiss you right now. I just miss you so much and I am going insane." He means it with all his heart.

On the other hand, Anastasia can't believe that after eight years of being together, those words still have an effect on her. She tells him, "You are coming home tomorrow, right? You can hug me and kiss me and . . . support me."

"That's the problem! Anastasia, I cannot. My asshole of a manager decided to make me spend another week here in London and shit! This just makes me so angry right now."

Anastasia's heart breaks after hearing that. She takes back what she's thinking before. She is thrilled about seeing him tomorrow and the thought of not seeing him for another week is just another method of torture. She closes her eyes and painfully realizes that this is their life now. She just has to stay strong.

"That's okay, Adam. I will just see you next week."

"It's not okay at all."

As being the one who's calmer, she tries to get some senses into him, "It's okay, Adam. Look, I am sorry for not talking to you. You would've been a little less stressed if we just talked. I love you."

After a few seconds, a now calm voice answers, "I love you too."

"You know what you have to do right now? Put on your best mask and pretend that you are fine. No one wants a star who doesn't shine bright. Do your best, Adam. This is your life now. Deal with it. I will be with you."

He takes a deep breath before he says, "Okay, A. I love you so much. Remember that. Just A . . . We'll be fine. I will do my very best."

"I love you too."

"You will be with me, right?"

"I will be with you." She confirms before he hangs up the phone. She tosses her phone away and wraps her arms around her folded legs with her chin on top of her knees. She then whispers to herself, "I will be with you but I don't know when."

Anastasia thinks deeply as she shifts from one position to another. She embraces her guitar as her thought are filled of images of her boyfriend, Ethan Kavanaugh. She does love him and he obviously loves her but she's not sure if she is happy anymore. This isn't just because he doesn't think that she can do it; it's because things just changed when he became the superstar.

For the first time in eight years, she considers breaking up with him for real. This isn't just that one impulsive moment. This is something serious. They are growing old but she can't imagine living like this with him forever. There are just some things she wants to explain but she just can't.

Anastasia then grabs her laptop and hurts herself as she logs on to YouTube. She has been posting some of her videos in her channel. Up until now, the highest views she has is a hundred and there are just twenty likes and three shares. The last video she uploaded was two years ago when she discovers a secret.

There is this one YouTube user who comments on every video she has.

 **WhereIsHappinessxXxXx**

 **You are one amazing singer! Please upload more of your songs. I have downloaded this already and this just has a lot of soul in it.**

 **WhereIsHappinessxXxXx**

 **You have a great voice and not to mention, pretty too. People should hear what you're singing. This is more than just a song. This is art!**

 **WhereIsHappinessxXxXx**

 **Can you please write a song for me? Can you? Whoever your boyfriend is, he is this one lucky guy.**

He may only be just one YouTube user but he was more than enough to make her upload more of her videos. But then, Ethan admits to her that he is using that account and she just realizes that no one else is listening apart from him. There you have it; that's the reason why she stopped posting her video on YouTube.

 **WhereIsHappinessxXxXx**

 **:( :( :( Anastasia Steele . . . :( :( :(**

That's the last comment she received from that YouTube user. She closes her eyes and shuts down the laptop. Those are the living proofs that Ethan still believed in her abilities. She wants to go back to those days. She suddenly regrets the time she spent not uploading her videos because she doesn't want to hear him compliment her again.

She puts her laptop back on the table before returning to her bed. She suddenly changes the whole tune she just made. She plays with the chords and they get a little bit lively. There is that sadness in the tune but a little hint of romance in it. She grabs a paper and scribbles the lyrics that pop into her mind. As usual, he is the one person who inspires her every word.

After two hours of making sure that the song is perfect, she sings it wholly.

You are my favorite song, the story I hear before I go to sleep.

You are my favorite song, the one I want to hear first thing in the morning.

You are my favorite song, the portal to another world.

You are my favorite song, the one thing I memorize the most.

You are my favorite song, the one who understands me.

But listening to you everyday fades my smile too.

Listening to you everyday, and there is nothing new.

The same notes and words again and again,

The same old love, the same old pain.

The four minute love song over and over again.

You are my favorite song,

I want to push the end button but at the same time, I don't.


End file.
